It's not always easy.

1/12/2016

It's 2 o'clock in the morning and I am sitting up in bed. James Taylor is singing to me through my headphones, and I. just. can't. sleep.

I made the decision to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in this last year. Some people might tell you that this was something I decided years & years ago, when I drew a self portrait of myself in a blue polka dot dress, with a caption that says, "I'm going to serve a mission".  But, to be honest, I didn't even know what that decision meant as a little toothlesss child.

Choosing to serve a mission isn't easy.

As an LDS young adult, sometimes leaving on a mission becomes so romanticized, girls bidding farewell to their "eternal sweethearts" (their boyf's) for two years, cute pinterest going away parties, opening your call with all your family and friends, and the sweet anticipation it brings. I tried to explain the "event" of going on a mission to my friends who aren't Mormon, and if you look at it in a different light, it's a crazy, fun, exciting, but sort-of blown-up ordeal.

I can't even explain how excited I was to open my call. I mean, the next two years of my life awaited me in a 9x11 white envelope. I mean, that's pretty exciting.

I cried tears of joy. The paper inside said, "You are called to serve in Cusco, Peru". I was in shock. If you watch the video of me opening my call, I read, "Cusco, Peru", and I just shake my head. Shake away tears pouring down my face. And then just say, "Yeah...that's cool". I was just totally blown away, it didn't seem real, I had no words.

That day is one of the happiest of my life on record. I felt so full of love and light and joy. Totally on cloud nine. Nothing could bring me down. And I KNEW, (like stronger than anything else I knew) that I was to go to Peru, that God had a special work there for me, and that my life would be changed by the sweet Peruvian people.

But, as time goes on, it gets much harder. That cloud nine feeling, as much as I wish it did, is not how I feel everyday. That initial excitement is still in me, and is taking up a good chunk of my heart. But, the decision has been hard.

I have missed Rexburg a whole bunch. I miss being independent. I miss college nights going out late. I miss talking with my sweet roommates into the late hours of the night. I miss doing what I want. I miss getting to make the decision to go to Taco Tuesday @ Cafe Rio every single Tuesday without fail. I miss singing in the choir. I even miss sitting on my bed against the wall hurriedly typing essays upon essays. I miss complaining about our weird FHE brothers. I miss the bitter cold in Rexburg and wearing my hood tight on my face like a teletubby. I miss the scooter I had for my broken ankle, and scootering class to class. I miss singing and playing ukulele with my roommate. I miss boys asking me for my number. (BYU-Idaho, thanks for that) I miss reading my scriptures in my spot in the gardens on campus every day. I miss my teachers. I miss my ward. I miss my roommates. I miss my friends.  I miss it all a lot.

A lot of days I wish I were in Rexburg instead of living at home, preparing for a mission. Those feelings come with feelings of inadequacy, of not being enough, discouragement and frusteration.

Joseph Smith is one of my heroes. (If you don't know who he is, check out mormon.org :) In the movie Joseph Smith the Prophet, there is a scene where an angry mob comes to Joseph's house. They breaks down his door, with torches and weapons in hand. Emma, Joseph's wife, grabs their baby in the cradle near their bed, and holds the baby close, while silently weeping as Joseph is pulled from his house. The mob grabs Joseph, and outside, they pour hot tar all over his body, and then scatter feathers, covering the entirety of his body, to mock his belief and dedication to the gospel. He is in SO much pain, and Emma stands at the door with the baby, just crying at the sight of his terrible pain. Later, it then shows Joseph sitting on the bed, while Emma picks the feathers out of his skin. Joseph has terrible burns and scabs all over his skin. You can see tears in both of their eyes. And then Joseph says something to the effect of, "Emma, perhaps I am meant to swim in deep waters".

I know that time after time Satan tempted Joseph to give up, to let go, to deny what he knew. He made it so SO hard for Joseph to accomplish the crazy-amazing work that God had for him. It was not easy for Joseph to constantly be standing and defending the gospel of Jesus Christ. He had to literally fight for right. Temptation did not make it easy for him. Satan wants us to be miserable, just like him, and he knew of the goodness the gospel would bring to the world. Why would he want that goodness present? Something that would make so many people SO happy, and full of love, and would make people desire to make the world a better place.

He made it extremely difficult.

Lots of times in my life I feel inadequate. Why has Heavenly Father given me this call to Peru? I feel so overwhelmed and honored, and I want to do so much, but sometimes I feel that even my best effort will not be enough. I feel discouraged. I feel lonely. I feel not enough.

But, through these testing times, I have found so much love and light in my Savior, Jesus Christ. I want to be like the prophet, Joseph. I want to know that I am strong enough to "swim in deep waters", and still stay strong in my faith in Christ and my love of God, just as he did.

I think that Satan tries to make me feel inadequate because he doesn't want me to go to Peru. He doesn't want others to learn of the atonement of Jesus Christ, and how it can heal every pain, and every inadequacy we've felt. He doesn't want me to increase in my love for the Savior. He doesn't want my life (and other's lives) to change for the better.

Joseph Smith later wrote:

And as for the perils which I am called to pass through, they seem but a small thing to me...envy and wrath have been common all the days of my life. God knoweth all these things, whether it be good or bad. But nevertheless, deep water is what I am [meant] to swim in. It all has become a second nature to me; and I feel, like Paul, to glory in tribulation; for to this day has God delivered me out of them all, and will deliver me from henceforth; for behold, and lo, I shall triumph over all my enemies, for God hath spoken it.

And so, whenever I start to feel like I'm missing out on a year of school, and my families lives, hanging out with my friends, or when I worry about all the money I'm putting into this mission, or when I feel like I speak lousy Spanish, I remember: "perhaps I am meant to swim in deep waters"
One last quote from Joseph Smith:

"Never be discouraged. If I were sunk in the lowest pits of Nova Scotia, with the Rocky Mountains piled on me, I would hang on, exercise faith, and keep up good courage, and I would come out on top."

I am so so SO grateful that God has trusted me, Addy Clark, a simple girl from a small community, to represent Him in the country of Peru. I know that faith can take us far.
Keep up the good courage. God is right there, he is the lifeguard watching the deep waters, and his hand is outstretched, if we just reach out to Him. 
I know that he wants to help us, and has our VERY best interest in mind, because he loves us SO stinkin' much. I am grateful for Him and His good word every darned day. 

Pre-spring break/ the week after

April 29, 2015

"Time is moving at the speed of light.
Don't wanna miss this chance, and wish my life away.
These are the BEST days. "
--Beyond 5...(a cute boy band me & Erynn opened for one time)

I like my life. Gee, I like it a lot.
I have been blessed with lots of fun opportunities in the last few months.

Lauren came for the day.Her family was just traveling through, so it was short lived, but it was wonderful. It was awesome to be able to have really good talks with one who valued the same things I do, and with someone who knew about the gospel already, and gave me input on what she thought about our trials of this life.
She is so strong and such a good friend.
And, we took lots of pics with the selfie stick at the park, so that was fun too. :)

Then, Megs had her birthday, which HAD to have multiple festivities. We all went to dinner together, and ate cheesecake (all of our favorites!) and explored downtown. I love this picture a lot, because I love these two a lot. It's pretty representative our friendship. I feel so darned blessed. I have the greatest friends I could ever ask for!

Then, the next day, we went hiking at Bowl & Pitcher (Meg's favorite spot), and Matt came along. We hiked, and then found this cute little meadow area, and sat and chatted, and threw big rocks into the water off the cliff. AND we took lots of pictures with the selfie stick, but that's kind of a given. ;) Then, we went to lunch at this cute place called, "The Milk Bottle" (the building's in the shape of a milk bottle.)



SPRING BREAK 2015
If I write about everything we did, I'll get tired of writing this blog post. So, I'll give my favorite parts.

1. Going to the Grand Canyon.

(and taking this picture, oh my goodness, I loved that too.)

It was beautiful and I am a serious lover of the outdoors.

2. Going to Temple Square during General Conference, AND on Easter. :)

3. Hiking Angel's Landing with my dad & brothers.

Then, the week we got back, I went to State FBLA. I've done a lot with FBLA in my high school career, a lot more than I thought I would've at least, as my Freshman self. FBLA has taught me a lot of important things, most importantly, resumes and job interviews.


Those are just a few fun things that have happened in the last few months.

Love, Addy

I can't recap any longer.

March 1st, 2015

My time is seriously escaping me. I feel like all the weekends are filled, and senior year is coming to a close, and that makes me so sad.
So. I can't recap what else has happened any more, because I want to tell you about NOW!

I just want to give a little shout-out this girl that is WAY special.
She's beautiful.
She's the sweetest soul.
She honestly drives me crazy sometimes.
And she's the biggest goof I know.

But I love her SO much!


And, that's this sweet girl right here.
My favorite sister. (She's my only one, so it's kind of automatic...)

And you know what else?
TODAY SHE'S THE BIG-ONE-FOUR.







This is how I know I have been
BLESSED to have a sister like Elle:

1. She stuck with me during my awkward stage. (But hey, I stuck with her too! We were both a little...odd. )

Exhibit A, everyone...

2. She can always make me smile.

It's so annoying, when I'm mad, she always tries to make it a joke. I'm like, "Elle, I'm being serious.", and then she says something so random, or tries really hard to make me laugh, and I can't help but smile, and shake my head at that crazy girl.

3. She's always willing to go on adventures with me.

These are the best kinds of adventures --spontaneous camping on an air mattress on the back deck. (Does that even count as camping? hehe)
She'll always stay up and talk to me for hours, and you'll never believe it, but she's never the first asleep. She LOOOOVES to talk. (Which is usually a good thing, but sometimes...Elliette...:)   )


4.  I know that she loves me. (Because I love her SO much.)

Even though we have our moments of disagreeing (honestly, it happens all the time.),I know that we'll end up being best buds again. I am so grateful for the way that Elle forgives, and gives me second chances, because sometimes I'm a real jerk to her.

She is understanding of my faults, and I am understanding of her, and honestly, it is the making of such a good friend.

Another thing that assures me of having a friend in Elle is that we're kind of stuck together for eternity...so we might as well be best pals...:)

I was so excited when I found this picture. It is accurate, SO accurate. :)

5. She sticks with me.
That's what is so special. We can argue & get along and still be sisters, and still be friends. I am so grateful for that. Elle always looks for the positive, and gives me greater perspective. Also, another thought, Elle has great sense in style, and helps out in my appearance A LOT.

But most of all, Elle has the gift of caring for everyone. She is such a support to her friends and her family, and to me.

Elliette,
You keep getting taller.
And beautiful-er.
And OLDER.
Please stop it already.

Love you so much, sweet girl.

Love, your forever sister & forever pal,
Addy

And then...BAM. Senior year.

I'm going to be one of those Seniors that I rolled my eyes at Freshman year. 

High school goes by so dang fast. One second you're the turtle kid in the hallway (because your backpack is so stinkin' big) and your teachers are handing you syllabus sheets, lined with tips for high school success, and then you blink, and you know what? You're handed sheets telling you to buy your cap and gown, and all your teachers question which college you'll attend. 

It's crazy. And the even crazier thing is that I totally remember seniors telling me this when my high school journey was just beginning. They'd say, "Cherish every moment, because you blink, and it's all over!!" and I'd think, "Am I blinking hard enough? I've been in high school for a month now, and it's currently not whizzing on by...". But I roll my eyes no longer, because here I am, writing this blog. WEIRD. :) 

So, senior year, it came. :)

This is how I felt about being a senior in a picture

Freeman is a proud supporter of High School Musical jumping pictures. ;) 

The first and best thing about getting back to school is VOLLEYBALL. I had the best season with the best girls on my team.

we love playing at the park. 

I love laughing 'till I cry with them. I love eating at Red Robin's and driving as fast as possible (without getting pulled over)  to get to the football games after volleyball tournaments. I even love jump training with them! So many good times. :)

Rip-a-shot tourney CHAMPS! 

Anna Gallagher (the sweetest girl of all time, and my pepper partner) wrote a speech for me for our senior night, and it was the cutest, most heartfelt thing.This picture was taken right after she read it, and I was crying little happy tears, it was so sweet. I am so grateful for her, and for all my team, but this picture is a good representation of volleyball season for me. Looking back on it just makes me happy, even though there were rough patches along the way. I'm grateful for my team, for Eva (my wonderful coach!), and for volleyball, for making me a stronger and a better person. :)

The next best thing about school starting is football. ( Fall sports are the bomb.) 

Football games at Freeman High School are hoppin', and a serious highlight of...school, of fall, of LIFE! 

The gang :)

Jos, Emily, and I would drive together to the away games to cheer on the boys. It was so fun!

So many fun pictures, and so many fun wins, because we ROCK at football. And even that one game where the game wasn't exactly in our favor, (we hate Colville...), the boys were still super dignified and lost strong. I was proud to be a Scottie that night and every night at the football games.

THEN, HOMECOMING. 

So, a few weeks before Homecoming, we had an assembly, basically for sports recaps. At the end of it, a bunch of the football boys did this random, not expected,  in-sync dance routine to "Treasure" by Bruno Mars. It was so funny, and then once it was over, one of the boys grabbed a microphone and he asked his girlfriend to homecoming. And then he passes the microphone to the next guy, and he asks a girl, etc. I was just sitting there thinking "Man, this is so clever and so cute!" and then Sebas (the boy in the picture on the left) gets the microphone, and he says, "Addy Clark, will you go to Homecoming with me?" and everyone freaked out like "Ohh!" and "Yeahhh!", because Sebas was the only one who didn't have a girlfriend out of the group, so no one knew it would be me that he'd ask.(I didn't even know!)  I swear I melted in my seat right there, it was the cutest thing ever. 

Homecoming week was such a blast. That is literally the best week of school. 

Just your average day at Freeman High School. (Hick day) 

POWDERPUFF was SO stinkin' fun. I wore Cole's football jersey. And, had to take a picture with Megs after the game because the Seniors absolutely clobbered the Juniors. (If they liked it, then they should've put a ring on it. We were the champions, my friends.)

"'Cause there 'aint no doubt I love this land...GOD BLESS THE USA."
If you want to see some real patriotism though, come to Freeman, one and all!

80's day.:)


I love 80's workout; I think it is hilarious, and so fun to wear. Megan, Sebastian and I went homecoming thrift shopping the week before homecoming, and I found these cool purple parachute pants. SO FUN.



Creeeeeeepy day.

I wore this big boa-constrictor stuffed animal we've had forever draped over my shoulders for the day, and it was the funniest. I just thought, "If I saw someone walk around with a snake over their shoulders, I would think that's pretty creepy".


I can't even tell you how many "anaconda" jokes I got though. haha :)

 We go to the creek every month for AP Environmental Science, even on spirit day!!
Love these guys.

HOMECOMING FOOTBALL GAME.

This was one of the most magical nights of my life.
I had the privilege of being on Homecoming Court with these sweet girls.

They had us hit a pinata to see who was queen, and the color of the candy would match the sash of the giirl that was queen. Josie crushed that pinata because she's a softball star, and out poured green candy. GREEN CANDY!! I was queen, and  I felt so overwhelmed with love for the people I go to school with.

We rode in jeeps, it was so fun! We stood in the back, with the tops off. 

Me and my princess Josie. :)

Michael Andrews was king. He is the coolest kid you'll ever meet. :)
I will seriously cherish these memories forever. 

 i have so much to be grateful for.

I'll finish senior year in the next post. This whole "recap-a-whole-year-in-a-few-words-and-picures" is a lot harder than I thought.

Coming up:
                  - Halloween
                  - State Volleyball
                  - adventures with my best buds. :)

Until next time,
Addy :)

FIRST BLOG POST. WOW.

Hey. It's a new year! And hey! This is a new little blog, starting...today. And oh man, I am SO excited for this year. 2015, you're going to be grand. :) 

The other day, I was talking to one of my buds, and we were just talking about life and choices and where to go next and he said, "Well, yeah, this is good option, but I don't want to do it, because I might regret it..."

And that's when I realized. 

What if we all lived our life wary of what might happen, and scared about the future? And what if we never took chances? Where would the risk even be? 

So that's when I thought: 

Life...life is an adventure, and you know what? 

It should be lived like one. :) 

 

All my life, I've made a best attempt to keep a journal. The other day I found a journal I wrote as your classic first grader, with that big toothless grin, and bangs chopped across the forehead. It said:

"12-31-03 by Addy Age 7

Today is Neow years eve. My b-day! I am going to hav a pretty (party). We are going to crack a pinyota and Im going to open gefst and have fun. I am going to stae up lat tonight and woch the New Year show. today it will be so fun. I love New Years eve it is so fun becuz I get to stay home with with my family. I hop this year well be the best new year ever. I am going to make this the dest (best. d's and b's...haha) year of all the years. "

But how cool is that? Lemme tell you seven-year-old Addy, every year has been a joy. And as much as 2004 was probably a joy (I mean, number sentences, times tables, and coloring books are game changers for sure), I can totally say that 2014 was the "DEST year of all my years". :) (that typo was on purpose) 

These are the highlights of my BEST YEAR YET. 

All-State Choir in Yakima, WA. SUCH a cool experience to sing with such talented people.

I sang 2nd Soprano, and we sang such beautiful songs. My favorite was called, "Choral Fanfare", because the only lyric to it was "Sing!". (Except in SO many unique languages) It was a tricky piece, but was breath-taking when we sang it. AH, TAKE ME BACK. :)

Then, in March, I joined the track team. And who knew it, but I totally love track. :) I threw the javelin, shot put, discus, and I high jumped. (See that little person in the background? That's me warming up with the javelin!!) This picture is quality x 10. 

Jami Jami Jami Pratt, Fun umbrella adventures.

I also found a new hobby in FBLA (Future Business Leaders of America) when I moved to Freeman. 

I got first place at Regionals, which sent me to State, with the coolest kids. We all rode a bus to Seattle for the State Conference, and had tons of fun. 

Bobby and I made our contributions to the gumwall. :)

I participated in the job interview event, which was awesome, because it taught me skills, such as making a resume, and writing a cover letter. Those are skills I will use forever...so that was a big bonus. 

Also, I went to lunch with these boys I met that morning. It was the funniest thing of my life. They were great, and super fun, so that was a good time. It's not every day you take a chance like that, especially in downtown Seattle. :) haha

Then, I went to Prom with this cool kid. Ben Mitchell is a true friend and was an awesome date; we had a really fun time at Prom.

AND, Connor Christensen came up that weekend to stay with us, and ended up coming with me to Prom, and took Justyna Folsom. That was probably one of the best parts of Prom --having Connor there! 

SUMMER. Junior year was over, thank heavens. 

LOTS of fun times were had. 

 I LOVE SAFECO FIELD. Baseball is the epitome of summer for me. And, I love the Mariner Moose; when I was little, I danced with him on top of the dugout. So, the moment was relived. :) So good to be reunited with my dance partner.

Connor Christensen, one of the best friends anyone could ever have, left on his mission in July. It was fun to go listen to his farewell talk. I know that he is a great missionary. He's serving in the Salt Lake City Mission. :) (funny how that worked out?)




Then, I went to  EFY in Provo for a week! It was so so darn fun, and I met so many people with hearts of gold. EFY is always an absolute privledge.

Nicole is my favorite, and truly was a blessing to me. She made me want to be an EFY counselor once I go off to college. I'm grateful for her sweet smile, inspired words, and testimony. She truly brought me closer to Christ.

We had 10 girls and 20 boys in our company, so the boys always escorted us like this. These two, Cody and Quinn, were my favorite ones to be escorted by. Such good pals. :) 

I made so many seriously good friends at EFY. Like, I am feeling the love for every single one of those 30 hooligans. 

Our scripture for the week was Doctrine and Covenants 10:5. LOS CONQUISTADORES, :)

And, lots of fun times with Lincoln. Nataley and Colby were here for about a month in the summer, so Lincoln and I had lots of fun times.

He is the cutest little guy you'll ever meet. 

And then, senior year came. And guess what? Senior year is the bomb.com. (But that has to be the next blog post.) 

Until next time, Addy :)